I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
