i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
