ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
