Jerry, you need to find god
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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