You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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