just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm bleeding and have questions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
