he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize