Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real