hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
