I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
