Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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