Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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