I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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