No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
