Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
