woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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