I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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