New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
they're like a gay fantastic four
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
