I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
