I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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