I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
