That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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