I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
