She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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