when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
