we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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