Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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