I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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