my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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