Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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