I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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