Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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