I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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