; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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