omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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