You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Houston, we have a blender
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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