Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
