he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His hands were made for my vagina.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
