Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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