Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

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  (404): Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n. http://tfl.nu/ek1y
  Replies (20) Good night (4755) Bad night (704)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.

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  (404): Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating. http://tfl.nu/1th0
  Replies (23) Good night (6075) Bad night (757)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.

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  (919): I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgrh
  Replies (7) Good night (4221) Bad night (1098)
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  (845): View more from New York

  weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize

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  (845): weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize http://tfl.nu/jvbl
  Replies (19) Good night (7481) Bad night (1200)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".

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  (910): After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could". http://tfl.nu/pxbj
  Replies (22) Good night (8287) Bad night (1994)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

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  (612): Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor. http://tfl.nu/6ksu
  Replies (9) Good night (3828) Bad night (936)
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  (415): View more from California

  What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.

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  (415): What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again. http://tfl.nu/hwy2
  Replies (9) Good night (1082) Bad night (2039)
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  (916): View more from California

  when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.

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  (916): when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas. http://tfl.nu/o5tw
  Replies (13) Good night (1177) Bad night (3040)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza

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  (832): Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza http://tfl.nu/lbxf
  Replies (9) Good night (1814) Bad night (1912)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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  (732): Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore. http://tfl.nu/0dve
  Replies (25) Good night (1522) Bad night (3170)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!

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  (504): My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving! http://tfl.nu/frqw
  Replies (1) Good night (1068) Bad night (380)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.

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  (417): Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess. http://tfl.nu/qhcv
  Replies (6) Good night (664) Bad night (410)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me

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  (405): there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me http://tfl.nu/c4z7
  Replies (4) Good night (792) Bad night (522)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.

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  (832): He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/v57f
  Replies (0) Good night (412) Bad night (471)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Uh do you have my pants because I have yours

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  (317): Uh do you have my pants because I have yours http://tfl.nu/hs56
  Replies (1) Good night (650) Bad night (222)

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