Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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