If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck