I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.