It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
