Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night