i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm always down for nudity.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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