Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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