he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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