Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
