I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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