hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
