Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
