Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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