Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
