she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
