one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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