he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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