dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
