I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
