But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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