At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
