heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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