so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
where are my eyebrows?
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