the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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