Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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