I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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