Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
