I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bring money and cleavage
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
