Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
