she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
