She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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