Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
