I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
