Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we're making bets on your personal life
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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