Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
