what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
