I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
