Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need a burrito and a hug.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
