I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Vodka?
Forever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
