watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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