I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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