She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
